Embracing Authenticity: The Art of Being Yourself
In a world saturated with social media filters, societal expectations, and endless comparisons, the phrase “just be yourself” can feel like an oversimplified cliché. Yet, as a clinical psychologist, I’ve seen firsthand how powerful—and healing—authenticity can be. Being yourself isn’t about rejecting external influences entirely; it’s about aligning your actions, choices, and relationships with your core values, emotions, and identity. It’s a journey of self-discovery that requires courage, reflection, and practice. So, how do we do it? In this Mental Fitness Corner article, we will explore what it means to be yourself and actionable steps to get there, with real-life examples to guide the way.
What Does It Mean to Be Yourself?
At its essence, being yourself means living in a way that feels true to who you are—not who you think you should be. It’s about peeling back the layers of people-pleasing, perfectionism, or fear of judgment to reveal your authentic self. Psychologically, this aligns with Carl Rogers’ concept of congruence: when your internal experience (thoughts, feelings, desires) matches your external behaviour. When we’re incongruent—pretending to be someone we’re not—we often feel anxious, disconnected, or unfulfilled.
Let’s take a look at 32 year old “Sarah” who has spent years climbing the corporate ladder in a high-pressure job she didn’t enjoy, all because her family expected her to “succeed.” She wore the mask of a confident professional, but inside, she felt miserable and longed to pursue her passion for painting. Her journey to “being herself” began when she acknowledged this disconnect and took steps to honour her true desires.
Why Is It So Hard?
Living authentically isn’t always easy. We’re wired for connection, and the fear of rejection can push us to conform. Early experiences—like being criticized for our quirks or praised only when we meet certain standards—can teach us to hide parts of ourselves. Over time, we may lose touch with what “being ourselves” even feels like. Add modern pressures like social media personas, and it’s no wonder so many of us struggle.
How to Be Yourself: Practical Steps
The good news is that authenticity is a skill you can cultivate. Here are some evidence-based strategies to help you reconnect with your true self—along with examples to illustrate them in action.
- Reflect on Your Values
Start by identifying what matters most to you—not your parents, partner, or society, but you. What brings you joy? What principles guide your decisions? Write them down.
Example: “James”, a 45-year-old father, realized he valued creativity and family over financial status. He’d been working overtime to afford a “perfect” lifestyle, but after reflection, he cut his hours to spend evenings building model trains with his kids—something he’d loved since childhood.
- Notice Your Emotions
Your feelings are a compass. When you feel drained or resentful, it might signal you’re living out of alignment. Joy and peace often indicate you’re on the right track. Practice checking in with yourself daily.
Example: “Maria”, a 28-year-old teacher, felt dread every time she agreed to social events she didn’t enjoy. She started saying “no” to obligations that didn’t excite her, freeing up time for hiking—a passion that made her feel alive.
- Experiment with Small Risks
Being yourself often means stepping outside your comfort zone. Try expressing an opinion, wearing something bold, or sharing a hidden talent. Small risks build confidence in your authentic self.
Example: “Alex”, a shy 19-year-old college student, loved poetry but feared judgment. He started by sharing one poem with a trusted friend. The positive response encouraged him to join a poetry club, where he flourished.
- Challenge your Inner Critic
That voice telling you you’re “not enough” or “too much”? It’s often a relic of past conditioning, not truth. When it pipes up, ask: “Is this my voice, or someone else’s?” Replace it with self-compassion and realistic reframing.
Example: “Priya”, a 35-year-old engineer, grew up hearing she was “too loud.” Her inner critic kept her quiet in meetings. Through therapy, she reframed this as “I’m passionate,” and began speaking up—earning respect from her team.
- Surround Yourself with Support
Authenticity thrives in safe relationships. Seek people who celebrate your quirks, not those who demand you change. Distance yourself from chronic critics when possible.
Example: “Tom”, a 50-year-old retiree, loved ballroom dancing but avoided it because his old friends mocked him. He joined a dance class, met encouraging peers, and now dances weekly—unapologetically himself.
Takeaway Message
Being yourself isn’t a destination—it’s a practice. There will be moments of doubt, setbacks, and growth. When you live as your true self, the benefits ripple outward. Research shows authenticity correlates with higher self-confidence & self-esteem, better mental health, and stronger relationships. each step toward authenticity builds a life that feels genuinely yours. As a clinical psychologist, I can assure you: the more you align with your true self, the more you’ll feel at home in your own skin. Start small. Ask yourself today: What’s one thing I can do that feels like me? Then do it. You deserve a life that reflects who you really are.
Stay tuned for our next article where we will explore how to master your emotions
Important: If you find yourself struggling to navigate your emotions or are experiencing significant distress, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and help you develop personalised strategies to manage your emotions effectively. DrRosanna Francis is a clinical psychologist who believes in the inner strength of the įndividual, and the value of tapping into these strengths and learning new skills to help one live a more comfortable, fulfilling life. She has over 20 years’ experience working across a diverse range of psychological issues, including anxiety, depression, complex trauma. relationships, stress, self-confidence, and emotion regulation; and a special interest (research & clinical) in working with people with high intellectual ability who struggle with anxiety.
